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It's certainly not the best way to woo someone, but attempting to "make friendship" through misspelled and clichéd text messages has become a sort of national phenomenon.
In this last of four extracts, from the chapter on ‘Sex, Love and Marriage’: he searches for the life beyond peaceful co-existence in the shift towards inter-marriage.
In the forthcoming book, ‘Our City: Migrants and the Making of Modern Birmingham’, crowdfunded by Unbound, Jon Bloomfield has interviewed fifty migrants to Birmingham from all walks of life: a mix of first and second generation; men and women; from Ireland to India, Pakistan to Poland, the Caribbean to Somalia who talk frankly and with humour about their experiences both at work and in society more generally.
Some are lighthearted about the matter, but these text messages can pose serious consequences. It was the constant ding-ding-ding of text messages coming from strange numbers."It was a very serious problem," says Ali.
It doesn't seem like friendship is what they're after. She was excited when she first got a cell phone a few years ago. "I talked to my father and he suggested that I change my number."Ali says the text messages said mostly the same things: "I want to be your friend." "Ur beautiful." "?
Please call back later."I called him a few times a day for a few days straight. I guess he's just too busy writing me love poems to actually talk.
There has been a live and let live ambience in the city for several decades.
Things like: "I really like you." "I'm a sincere guy." "I want to make a long relationship with you."How do men get women's numbers in the first place? This mystery sender compared his all-weather love for me to the seasons.
Usama Khilji of Bholo Bhi, an organization that promotes internet freedom and privacy, says that shopkeepers who sell SIM cards and top-up prepaid phones share women's numbers for some extra cash or even just for fun."From what I understand," says Khiliji, "I think it's just desperate people getting a hold of a number and saying this number belongs to a female and lets just call them up and see if they'll be my friend, so to speak. Before I blocked his number, I thought I'd try to reason with him. So I thought I'd call him up to see if this SMS poet might be eloquent enough to explain himself.
It's probably also them getting access to where the phones are registered and saying it's a girl, let's just try my luck."Nighat Dad, head of the Digital Rights Foundation, a kind of technological civil rights organization, is puzzled by the digital courtship."Why so many harassing texts? "Why do men feel the need to send a woman a text over and over and over and over? This is all I got: "The subscriber you called is busy at the moment.
Again we’re not saying that Arab men are the scum of the earth, but many still hold traditional expectations that no longer align with Arab women’s needs in a relationship.
Is it so terrible that an Arab woman just like everyone else wants to feel on edge with the person she’s dating?