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They'd say things like, I haven't been to a straight bar or on a straight dating site for years.
I just hang out where gay and bisexual men hang out who may want to date or have sex with me.
MPC: First, I want to say that so many women stated that their bisexual partners made better husbands, fathers, and lovers, but there were [also] some women who were experiencing incredible violence and issues of misogyny. And if they went to a gay men's health center for support, they'd be told to leave him alone and let him be gay. We have certain images of you, and we're not going to go beyond that to give you the help you actually need. Where do you go if you want to have a talk about STIs or a chat about managing the workplace dating a bisexual man, but suddenly, the conversation becomes about problematizing and pathologizing your relationship and partner?
One example was of a man who basically married his female partner to cover his same-sex attractions. If they went to a women's refuge and said, My partner is abusing me and he's bisexual, the women at the shelter would say, Why are you with him? Or the gay men would then support the male partner, saying that he has the right to do whatever he wants, and he shouldn't worry about his female partner. The women are like, I'm just coming here for some advice on how to have a polyamorous relationship.
What was beautiful was that after the interview, some of the women began to network with each other, starting up their own supportive communities and Internet spaces.
Women felt empowered to do their own work in this area, and we love that.
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In doing so, she dispels vicious stereotypes about bisexual men, presenting a more realistic and nuanced depiction of bisexual men and straight women in mixed-orientation relationships (MOREs.) She also discusses the need for additional resources for bisexual men and women dating bi men.
The women would say things like, When he was growing up, he wasn't allowed to be out. We had this woman who said that after dating a bi man, she could never go back to dating a straight man.
These women were saying it wasn't the bisexual men who had the baggage, it was actually the straight men who had a lot of baggage. Usually the younger women, who said they deliberately look for bisexual men and have dismissed all straight men as romantic partners.
We conducted participant driven research, and by this I mean that we let the women decide if they wanted to bring in their male partners. Other women didn't want their partners involved in the study.
They viewed the study as an independent [and therapeutic] space.